Diary of a Christian Wife: Religious Life or Married Life?

As Christians we are faced with many decisions everyday. Do I pray in the morning or in the afternoon? Do I get the housework done first and then spend the rest of my day in quiet meditation? Should I volunteer on this committee or the other? Should I take the higher paying job with the longer hours? When faced with these decisions, we often feel we are being tested, as God's voice may be only a whisper, when we feel we need Him to shout.

I have been through a similar struggle. After my divorce, I was standing in a crossroads. I had been married to a non-believer who, after less than a year of marriage, had decided that he no longer wanted to be married. He had filed for divorce and denied any hope of reconciliation. Like all marriages, we too had our differences and disagreements; however, I was not one to simply “throw in the towel.” He made that decision for the both of us.

There I was a twenty-something woman, divorced, with no children, and wondering what I could have done wrong. Weren't we all meant to be married and raising families? Isn't that why the founders of our faith made sure to include the story of Adam and Eve when they wrote the Bible? Was my divorce a sign from God that I was meant to serve Him as a single woman? I seriously considered that possibility and began doing research to determine my place in God's kingdom.

My research began with Bible study and then expanded to include the biographies and diaries of religious women and saints. I was particularly drawn to Saint Therese of Liseux and Saint Faustina. These godly women were committed to the Lord with their whole heart, serving God and humanity in joy and love. I quickly became infatuated with the religious life and the opportunity to serve God unnoticed. Honestly, I began to envy them. I thought there was no better way to completely surrender myself to the Lord than to commit to the religious life. I even went so far as to choose an order to join. I was already in the process of becoming a confirmed Catholic, so I believed my vocation was set.

However, God revealed to me that there is another way to serve Him, a path He had chosen for me. I remember sitting in one of my RCIA (Roman Catholic Initiation for Adults) classes listening to a discussion on vocations. For some reason, they had included married life in the discussion. I had thought that the only honorable vocation was to remain single and join a religious order. The discussion revealed that being married and raising children is just as honorable as serving God through religious life, if not more so. At first, I was skeptical.

Over the next few months, I wrestled over this through prayer. On the one hand, I felt that my divorce was a sign that I was meant to be single; on the other hand, I still had the desire in my heart to be married and raise a family. A dear friend of mine, who is also a Christian wife, explained to me that if God has put the desire in my heart to be married and have a family, then He will make it happen. She reminded me that our Lord is bigger than my circumstances and that He is working hard behind the scenes to fulfill His plan. With that in mind, I continued to pray for God's direction over my vocation.

A few weeks later, I met the man who would become my husband. Once we were married, I still wondered how married life could really be as “sacred” as cloistered religious life. The answer came to me after we had been married for about a month or so. It was a Sunday afternoon and my husband was trying to rig the television and the DVR so that we would be able to watch all the sports we wanted to be sure to see that day (believe me, Sundays are quite hectic with Nascar, NFL, and PBA bowling all at once). I was rushing around trying to get the last bit of dishes done or the bathroom clean or some other household chore so that we could relax and watch sports together. All of a sudden he says to me, “Honey, what are you doing?” “Just trying to get this done,” I told him. Then he asked me something to the effect of, “what exactly are you doing?”

In all honesty, it was really a very simple question. He wanted to know what specific task I was working on at that moment. However, in my heart, God had revealed to me the answer to the question I had been searching for. My husband's innocent curiosity had revealed to me that our husbands do not really notice what we do. They may notice that there are no dirty dishes piled up in the sink, there are always clean towels in the bathroom, clean clothes in the dresser, the kids are always fed and bathed, the pets are fed and cared for, the trashcan is never overflowing… the list could go on and on. What they notice is the result, not the process.

I had found the life I had been searching for. The thing which had most drawn me to contemplating the religious life and feeling that it was “better” or “more spiritual” than married life was being able to humbly serve God and others, seemingly unnoticed. There I was taking care of my husband and he had not noticed the specifics. I soon had the revelation that the difference lies in the recognition. In a way, it is easier for a wife to be humble in her service because, generally speaking, she is not going to be canonized as a saint for what she does, whereas, a religious could be. I realized that for me, humbly serving my husband, without the possibility of sainthood, was God's way of making it easier for me to be humble.

I know that my husband loves me very much and that he appreciates everything I do (we have actually discussed it and I have confessed to him the things I do behind the scenes to make his life a little easier). Even though I may never be canonized as a saint, I know that I play a very important role in his life and that the little things I do, even without his knowledge, make his life that much easier. As wives, I think that we all need to keep in mind, that it is not about “serving” but about loving our husbands and doing what we can to make their lives a little easier. Believe me, they appreciate it more than we know, even if they cannot recite our list of chores.