1. What's the perviest outfit in your wardrobe?
a) A skin-tight black dress or catsuit in an "unusual" fabric.
b) A rubber mac and a pair of thigh-high waders. (Ignore this option if you're a keen angler or work on an oil rig.)
c) A traffic warden's uniform. (Ignore this option if you're a traffic warden.)
d) A basque, G-string and suspenders.
2. Where's the weirdest place you and your man have made love?
a) In public - on a train, library, cinema or restaurant or a place where there're lots of other people around.
b) Somewhere you really shouldn't have been!
c) Outdoors - in a field, a park or somewhere else a bit draughty and al fresco!
d) In a room other than the bedroom.
3. The following are slang terms for sexual practices. Do you know what they mean?
* Golden showers Yes p No p
* A pearl necklace Yes p No p
* "Greek" Yes p No p
* "French" Yes p No p
* 69 Yes p No p
* S & M Yes p No p
How many "yes" boxes did you tick?
a) None.
b) One or two.
c) Three or four.
d) Five or six.
4. How many of the above have you tried? (Check the meanings in the SCORING section below.)
a) None - they're all a bit OTT for you.
b) None - although you wouldn't mind trying at least one of them.
c) A few.
d) Most or all of them.
5. What's your favourite sexual fantasy?
a) Having sex with more than one person (male and/or female) at the same time.
b) Being with a gorgeously sexy man in a beautiful place.
c) Lesbian sex.
d) Something far more inventive than any of the above.
6. Which of the following celebs would you like to join you in one of your sexual fantasies?
a) Kevin from Coronation Street
b) Keanu Reeves
c) Eddie Izzard
d) Daniel Day-Lewis
7. What "props" are essential for a night of passion?
a) Delicious snacks and lots of alcohol.
b) Some good porn films and/or a variety of "outfits"
c) A nice comfy bed, a sexy novel and big fluffy duvet
d) A few very "close" friends
8. If your man asked you to tie him up before having sex, how would you do it?
a) With silk scarves on the sofa.
b) With chains in the cellar.
c) With handcuffs to the bed
d) You wouldn't do it at all.
Now work out your scores...
1. a=A b=D c=B d=T
2. a=B b=D c=A d=T
3. a=T b=A c=B d=D
4. a=T b=A c=B d=D ('Golden showers' is the slang term for urolagnia - when a couple derive sexual pleasure from watching each other urinate and/or from urinating on each other; a "pearl necklace" occurs when a man ejaculates on a woman's chest, causing drops of sperm to land in the neck region; "Greek" is anal sex; "French" is oral sex; a "69" is the head-to-toe position adopted during mutual, simultaneous oral sex; "S & M" has nothing to do with Marks & Spencer but is the accepted abbreviation for sado-masochism.)
5. a=B b=T c=A d=D
6. a=T b=A c=D d=B
7. a=A b=B c=T d=D
8. a=A b=D c=B d=T
If you scored mostly D, you're MS DEBAUCHED. You're not just adventurous, you're almost reckless when it comes to sex. Your sexual know-how is vast and your desire to experiment is boundless. You like unusual sex and have no hesitation reporting your sexploits to anyone who cares to listen. Your favourite men are as kooky as you and you'd run a mile from Mr. Average. Your exhibitionist and voyeuristic tendencies are obvious, but this all goes towards making you the sex queen that you are!
If you scored mostly B, you're MS BOLD. You're not quite as pervy as Ms. debauched, but you're certainly game for a laugh and are far from shy. You're more romantic than dirty and would rather slurp champagne out of your man's belly-button than beat him to a pulp with a leather cat o' nine-tails! You like your men to be sexy and masculine and won't entertain any bloke who might be a bit weird. If there are any lacy crotchless pants to be worn, it's got to be you - not him - who's doing the wearing!
If you scored mostly A, you're MS ACCOMMODATING. You're easy-going in bed and, while this is appealing in some ways, it could be irritating for men who prefer their woman to take the lead. It's not that you're not open to new ideas, it's just that it's rarely you who comes up with them. Your perfect man would be cuddly and loyal, and not always yapping at your ankles for sex. You prefer cosy to wild sex and, although you'll oblige if your man insisted, you'd rather not do anything too uncomfortable.
