Believe it or not, a woman usually knows when she's being cheated on. The signs are usually plain as day. The problem most women face isn't actually recognizing the signs, it's doing something about it.
Many women who are being cheated on may be in denial. They see the signs and know in their heart, but don't want to face it. If they face it, that means they have to do something about it, and that's the hard part. I know, I've been there.
Why we deny it is beyond me. Perhaps it's low self esteem, thinking we can't or don't deserve better than we currently have, and something is better than nothing. Perhaps we feel it is our own fault, that if we just gave him what he needed, he wouldn't cheat to find it elsewhere. Perhaps it's just as simple as not wanting to deal with the pain of knowing it's real.
Whatever the reason or cause of your denial, that's something you have to figure out for yourself. You are the only one who can decide if living with a cheater is worth it to you. Personally, when I went through it, I felt like a fool for not doing something about it sooner. The fact that I knowingly allowed it for so long made me feel as if I'd been taken advantage of. I lost my dignity and pride by allowing him to think I was blind and stupid to what he was doing. Feelings that are still with me to this day, almost 10 years after ending the relationship. Dealing with the pain of confronting him and losing him would have been so much better than the pain I'm still feeling now. Instead I am still struggling to rebuild my self esteem, and still learning to trust, which is a long and bumpy road.
Before you can decide how to handle your cheating partner, you must first figure out if he's actually cheating or not. Many women, especially those who've been cheated on in the past, may look at any little thing, such as coming home late from work, or not calling when he says he's going to, as a sign that she's being cheated on. That's not always the case, sometimes he truly does need to work late, or he may just want a night alone or with his friends. We need to be careful not to jump to conclusions, but we also must watch for the signs.
Some signs that your man is cheating may include:
He's a smooth talker. I've personally noticed that sweet talkers make better cheaters. It's a gift they've learned. They sweet talk women into being with them, then sweet talk their girlfriend or wife into forgiving or believing him. If you're not yet in a relationship, be leary of the sweet talkers.
Talking about other girls. Of course all men may occasionally mention a female friend or coworker, but pay attention to who he is talking about, and how often. A cheating man may talk about another woman quite frequently, and the woman he speaks of may change frequently. This week he'll speak of a female friend a bit too often, next week it may be a coworker.
He'll lie about his where abouts. You call his house and his mother or roommate says he's not there, but he tells you he was, or he finds excuses for his where abouts that you know aren't true. Often times you can confirm this because he'll mention someone who he claims he was with, but that person may not realize they're the alibi. If he says he was with someone, ask that person.
He'll get defensive. While it's understandable that any man will become defensive when confronted about something, a cheater will become overly defensive, and of course continue to stick to his story, doing anything in his power to prove you wrong. He'll also become angry if you go through his personal belongings like his pants pockets or his wallet. Remember he wouldn't be angry or defensive if he didn't have anything to hide.
He'll shower the moment he gets home. If he is out with the boys all night and has a shower the moment he gets home, you can be pretty sure he's trying to hide something he doesn't want you to know.
Any one of these above signs on it's own doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating. It is good to give him the benefit of the doubt, at least at first. But if it becomes a habit, or if there are multiple signs, you can be sure he's probably cheating. Of course there are more obvious signs too, such as carrying condoms in his wallet when he doesn't use them with you, or having constant unexplained absences, or unfamiliar phone numbers on his mobile phone that he doesn't want to explain to you. There are many more signs than I've listed here, these are just some of the ones I've seen personally.
Even if you have a hunch that he may be cheating, it's a good idea to act on it. Even if he is innocent, the trust in the relationship has already been breached. You can't have a fulfilling relationship if there is not 100% trust.
Whether or not you stay with him is a personal choice you'll have to make for yourself, but I suggest not doing so, unless you're willing to be honest about an open relationship. Allowing him to think he's cheating behind your back will only eat away at your pride and self esteem.
If you decide to stay with the promise that he's done cheating, you need to brace yourself for a future repeat, and decide what you'll do at that time. If you constantly forgive over and over again, or ignore it and allow him to get away with it, he won't stop. He'll see the leniency and continue to have his own way. Again, this will lead to the deterioration of your self esteem and self worth.
What's worse, a cheating partner could bring something home to you, and it won't be flowers. If you don't know what he's doing or who he's with, you also don't know what he's exposing himself to, and what he's exposing to you. If you think for even a moment that he could be cheating, it's time to put off all intimacy with him.
If you're already sure he is cheating, but haven't decided what to do about it yet, or haven't faced your fears, it's time to do so.
Is he worth the emotions you're going through? The lack of self esteem, self worth, the loss of your dignity? Is he worth getting an STD? Is he worth HIV? Is he worth dying for?
